Too Late to Be Good?
by Sally Mn
Summary: Too late for Christmas, but not for presents...


_**Too Late to Be Good..?**_

_On the tenth day of Christmas, Our Colonel gave to us..._

It should have been the first, second or even third day, of course, but given the less than festive situation SG1 been trapped in on PXQ099 (otherwise and all too quickly known as Hellhole 99) Christmas had been a little... fraught.

Okay, they admitted, each to themselves, a little... hellish.

Okay, total hell.

Christmas dinner had been a sort of sugarplum-coloured, slimy moss that Teal'c had insisted was nutritious and safe to eat - and then declined to eat himself - and instead of carols they had the howling of the native... _things_ they were hiding from, that looked uncannily like nine-foot zombified turkeys with attitude. And what Carter had insisted were _not_ plastic snowmonsters, no matter how much they resembled them, but which _were_ semi-sentient and definitely homicidal.

Presents had been lacking, along with peace, goodwill and any sort of joy to that world or any other.

By the time they made it home on New Year's Day, all four were worse for wear. O'Neill had fallen foul of one of the giant turkey's claws, Carter had proven allergic to the sugarplum moss, Daniel had been near-strangled and mildly poisoned by tinselly but, as it turned out, carnivorous vines, and Teal'c had had to beat off an attack of enraged, exploding, irridescent humbugs. And then they'd fallen through the Stargate pursued by what looked to an archaeologist overdosed on painkillers like a symbosis between a demented partridge and a many-tooth-and-clawed pear tree.

It was, Daniel thought before blessed unconsciousness claimed him amid a gateroom in chaos, going to take longer than normal to live this one down.

Now safely if grumpily tucked in a corner of the infirmary without any books or research to keep him occupied, he was doing a desultory if scurrilous list of resolutions he had no intention of keeping (though maybe the "don't die again" one had enough merit to recycle this year).

He looked up as Jack and Teal'c - who had been released that morning - came in, and his eyes narrowed at the impossibly garish "IS IT TOO LATE TO BE GOOD?" T-shirt under his team leader's fatigues.  
"Very... military," he said sweetly. "And yes it is, by the way."

"It was from the Doc." O'Neill shrugged.

This made a certain evil sense, he had to admit. "Does Hammond know you're out of uniform?"

No answer was the only reply to that, O'Neill admitted nothing and turning to blatantly check out the cookie offerings by the bedside. "So..." he said finally.

Daniel waited, he knew what was coming. The gifts that had been heaped under the gateroom Christmas tree had all been delivered as soon as the anesthetic had worn off; General Hammond had delivered them himself, just ahead of half a dozen of the equally - not to say avidly - curious. Daniel had played safe and gone for food and alcohol all round, though he was pretty sure Teal'c would like the chocolate. And Sam the microbrew beers.

The Colonel had - surprise, surprise - been less cautious. He now fixed his archeologist with a beady but oddly, endearingly hopeful look. "D'ya like it?"

Daniel cocked his head and stared at the huge, framed painted papyrus of two Egyptian ducks flying over a vaguely menacing lotus plant, with his name in pseudo-graffiti-style hieroglyphics on either side. "It's... amazing, Jack," he said finally. "How on earth - or elsewhere - did you find it?"

"Hey, I've been hanging around you ancient history geeks for long enough, I know a thing or two."

"Cassie," Teal'c added helpfully from behind. "She located it for him on her computer."

"There's a whole website of 'em, Daniel," Jack went on after a long, uncertainly offended look at the Jaffa. "You really ought to check it -"

"I'm sure it would be educational," Daniel wasn't about to argue, he was still staring at the flying ducks.

"Cassie helped me pick it."

Daniel felt a frown start, and suppressed it, although he would have sworn he taught Cassie better.

Jack paused, then shrugged. "She likes ducks."

Well, there was no answer to that, so Daniel decided not to try and switched his gaze to the Jaffa, who was watching them with that particular poker face that meant he was laughing at them both. "And what did he give you?" He saw the poker face change, and the somewhat strange twitch of one eyebrow, and wondered if he should really wanted to know -

"Candles."

Oh. That sounded harmless enough.

"See, I know you think I don't notice stuff," Jack cut in. "This is where you're wrong, Daniel. You like Egyptian... stuff, and Teal'c likes candles. Big candles."

Tealc's eyebrow twitched higher. "Indeed."

"For kelno'reem, right?"

And lowered. "In...deed."

Jack nodded.

"And they were of a most unusual shape."

Daniel blinked, wondering for a minute if Jack had found a shop or website for erotic... oh god. What could a determined Luddite _not_ find on the world wide web? In any case, even Jack O'Neill wouldn't have bought...

"They are - humanoid. At least, I am so informed."

Daniel blinked again. No. _Even _Jack O'Neill wouldn't have given...

Not when the General was handing out the parcels.

"They're Santa candles, Daniel," O'Neill said with exaggerated patience. "Though I ought to introduce Teal'c to a bit of _real _Earth culture and customs before you and Carter teach him all that weird unreal crap you both know way too much of."

Daniel simply looked at the man who unblushingly had tried to convince the alien that _Aida_, _Aggrippina_ and _Gotterdamerung_ were lifted straight from life.

"Yeah well, you know what I mean. The candles will be great for kelno'reeming... thing."

Teal'c expression, from safely behind his Colonel's back, indicated that watching fat men in red slowly melt and congeal was not exactly how a state of unruffled meditation was usually reached. Daniel kept a straight face.

"And they'll last forever."

"O'Neill has kindly supplied over two hundred," Teal'c clarified.

Two hundred congealing Santas. "That sounds... special," he managed.

"Some of us go to a bit of trouble choosing these things, Daniel," O'Neill fixed him with a stern eye. "Don't think I didn't notice who _didn't._"

"If you're offended, I can always give yours to -"

"That will not be necessary, DanielJackson," Teal'c cut in obligingly. "O'Neill did not notice until _after_ he drank it."

_That _didn't surprise him.

"Yeah well, it's the thought, right? And I had to think about it." The Colonel remained unfazed. "Have to go and check on Carter now - see ya in the gateroom, T."

"The gateroom -?" Daniel winced slightly, as his last memory of _that_ - all feathers, flapping and frenzied squawking - kicked in. "Is something wrong?"

"Yep. SG3 have called for backup on PVA696, something to do with the local wildlife."

"Like ours -?" Maybe even if they couldn't live it down, they could share the humiliation with another team.

O'Neill frowned. "Nah, but... it's off. Makepeace kept hollering about hallucinogenic roses, killer lace hearts and a giant chocolate Blob..." He waved a dismissive hand. "Whatever."

"Sounds... peachy."

"In actual fact, DanielJackson, it sounds rosy," Teal'c corrected solemnly.

"That too."

"And I just got time to see Carter. Hey, I think she'll like what she got just as much as you both -" he paused, flicking a just-this-side-of-doubtful glance at them, "did."

Daniel watched him go, then switched his gaze to the silent Jaffa. "Will she?"

Teal'c cocked an eyebrow, giving it serious consideration. "I am not certain," he said at last. "It was after all incredibly... pink."

Daniel's own brows shot up. "Pink?"

"Incredibly."

"I'm almost afraid to find out..."

Be afraid, DanieJackson," Teal'c spoke gravely. "Be very afraid."

**-the end-**


End file.
